Archive for September 1, 2010

Snow

My first memory is a vivid one, I dream of it often. So much so, that I am unsure whether it is real. I dream of the sharp icy touch of the wind howling upon me. Snow; stretching out as far as the eye can see, falling thick upon my shoulders weighing me down. My legs feeling heavier with each step; I struggled to lift my feet. The thick carpet of snow with its endless footprints was trailing behind me. Clothing torn and bloody. I feel a stabbing chill through the tears. The wind freezing the deep cuts down my back. The snow becomes a fog within the starry night sky. I can’t keep myself steady; I fall to my knees, struggling to stay strong. The night defeats me. I fall. Face submerged under the moon. I lay front first amongst the intense whiteness. I want to escape this nightmare as I lay; a blur upon the landscape. Then, total darkness.

I awoke, my head groggy, finding it hard to lift back my eyes. The blinding light illuminating the room pierced through. The faint sound of beeping pounded throughout. I took it slow, gently opening my eyes a fraction a time. Getting used to the light was hard; the room itself was a penetrating white from floor to ceiling. I was lying in a bed; the constant beeping sound pounding at my ears; sharper now. Focusing became easier as I inspected the surroundings. Absolutely everything in this room was as white as the next; the bed, the table, all the equipment and even the door. To the right of me was a round bedside table with a glass vase. In this vase lay a fully bloomed, deep, thick, blood red rose. A petal came apart and glided gracefully down to rest upon the table. The beeping was coming from a machine to the left of me. A grayscale monitor. The line was peaking up and down in a rhythmical motion. I was in a hospital. 

I pulled myself up slowly from beneath the sheet. My head was still throbbing. I reached halfway up; balancing on my elbows, I could see the rest of the room. Past the foot of the bed was a huge window in portrait. This window; touching tips with the ceiling and the floor, looked out upon the snowy abyss. The snow was hitting down hard but the starry night sky was still visible. I moved up quickly from my elbows to sit upright. A bout of dizziness struck me! I lost balance. I quickly pulled out my arm to find something to hold onto, anything. My hand met with the table and slid across before gripping tight. I knocked the vase off the side, sending it tumbling down gracefully before smashing into various glistening pieces of different shapes. Shaking off the cloudy padding around my eyes, I peered down to witness the crimson roses laying in a glittering bath of broken glass.

Sitting upright in the bed I noticed a door with a venetian blind pulled down. There was the sound of voices making conversation on the other side, casting a shadow through the blinds; erecting a towering figure of darkness upon the wall. I reached out with my arm and tried to call, but my throat was hoarse. Just then I noticed something that felt different about me. Upon my wrist there were four distinct numbers. 4468.

The door burst open to enter a well dressed doctor; white slicked back hair, good physique and a steep frown upon his face. The sounds of busy bustling came in from the outside just before the door slammed shut. The doctor rushed up to the front of the bed taking a chart that was attached. He swooped around to the right of the bed and examined the chart. His arched eyebrows; standing thick and black upon his pale face seemed to move closer together as he read on in silence. I looked up at him; studying his expressions wondering whether he was going to speak. I cleared my throat, only being able to say a few words; I spoke up. “Where– am I?” It came out soft and light so I spoke again. “What is this place?”

 “Ah good your finally able to speak, this is a hospital, you were very lucky. Some people found you out in the snow.” He bellowed, gesturing to the window opening out upon the snowy abyss. “If it wasn’t for them you would have frozen out there. We couldn’t find any identification on you so we didn’t know who to contact. Could you tell me your name and current address” He added. I couldn’t remember anything from before the snow. Searching the very depths of my mind I couldn’t uncover much apart from the pain from the cuts down my back, the shredded clothes and the icy chill of the wind.

“I-I can’t remember.” I said groggily.

“What is the last thing you remember?” he replied. One eye cocked as if he was waiting for an answer he already knew.

“Waking up here- Doctor, what’s happened to me?”

“Well we treated you for Hypothermia and pneumonia, among other- things, I suggest we get you in for a scan, see if there’s any damage to that brain of yours.” He started walking back toward the door dropping the chart on the end of the bed. I called out with haste.

“What should I do in the mean time?” I said as the doctor reached for the door.

“Just sit back, relax and a nurse will be with you shortly.” With that said he left the room in a hurry, slamming the door behind him. I looked down towards where the doctor had been standing. Upon the broken glass were the now crushed roses, deeper shade of red than before. The doctor had stood in the broken glass. A sea of blood spread out across the white tiles. Struggling to move, I shifted the weight of my legs to the other side of the bed. I gently put pressure on and tried to stand. It was impossible at first; my legs were nimble; without any strength. How long have I been here?

Finding balance, I supported myself with the side of the bed. I was wearing one of those patient overalls. I hobbled over towards the chart. Lifting it up I saw that it was just a blank clip board, no diagnosis, no tests, not even a piece of paper lay there. What the hell is going on around here? Tossing the empty chart board aside I noticed blotches of red leading up to the doorway. I crept over to the door and crouched down, head still foggy I peered through the blinds. The doctor was on the reception phone. Strangely enough the doctor wasn’t wearing any shoes, the trail of blood spotted over to the front desk where he stood. The deep red glistened against the pure white floor. I opened the door a fraction to listen to the conversation.

“Yes– the patient’s awake now and I bring good news– I’ll be right up–” dropping the phone down the doctor hobbled off to the left of the desk. As I went to open the door I felt a burning sensation in my arm, the numbers, they had flared up. 4468. What did it mean? Poking my head out of the door I was about to leave when an intern passed by. I ducked back being cautious to make sure no one was around. I still didn’t know why I was here and I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be pretty. Getting up I left the room and followed the trail of blood.

Following the trail down corridors and wards, turning corner upon corner, the blood slowly thinned. Turning yet another corner I just caught a glimpse of a white doctor’s coat vanish into the lift. Approaching the lift, the numbers on top were ascending fast. 3– 4– 5. I burst through the door adjacent, quickly climbing the stairs. Every so often I would enter a floor to check the number’s on the lift. 6– 7 – 8. Each floor represented by a huge red number counting vastly in my mind. The steps were becoming a blur at the continuous motion. 9– 10–

As I got to the tenth floor, out of breath and ready to check the lift once again. I pushed open the door hearing the sound of conversation. The doctor. I stopped with the door open only an inch from its frame. Just enough to listen. The doctor was in mid conversation with another man; dressed entirely in black, voice deeper: “How is the subject?”

“He has regained consciousness but shows no sign of memory. In my opinion it is best left that way.” The doctor replied.

“Indeed. I want you to keep a close eye on him and make sure that he stays in his room; drug him if you have to. I want the extraction to go on as planned.” The man in black said boldly.

“Subject 4468 will be the prime example of this company. We will finally be able to prove that human behaviour can be controlled and contained.” The Doctor chuckled. The numbers on my arm! I’m some sort of test to these people?

“And– As always, if you fail, make sure the body is burned in the furnace. I want no trace of this activity. The hospital’s reputation must stay intact.” The man in black turned his head towards the side sharply. Took back by the sudden realisation I gasped and let go of the door slamming fast. Hands over my mouth, I sat there in silence. Oh no–Silence still; I looked up toward the window in the door. The doctor’s face was glaring down upon me! I yelled in terror, jumping to my feet and made my decent down the stairs with haste. Alarm sirens sound and bright lights flash a dark red against the pale walls.

I continued my decent until I got to the fifth floor. Below me a flood of doctors were approaching in uproar. Turning round to go back on myself I saw the doctor and a fleet of interns. I pushed through the door onto the fifth floor and ran across the corridor. I entered a storage cupboard were no staff were lingering. In a hurry I through on a white lab coat, trousers and a clip board. I left slowly scaling the floor and not to arouse suspicion. I made it over to the stairs on the opposite end. A few doctors run past me in a hurry. I called out “Quick, I saw him get into the lift!” Believing me; they ran towards the lift. Rushing down the stairs I make it back to the second floor. I need to get back to the room.

Bursting through the door I bumped into a nurse; a short lady with a morbid complexion. “I’m so sorry–” I panted. 

“That’s quite alright… Hey, it’s the patient! The Patient!” She screamed behind her. I pushed past and ran off back down the hall, turning corners I arrived back at the reception and dived straight into the room; locking it behind me. Now back where I began I searched for another way out. There must be somewhere? Then I remembered; the window at the front of the room.

Walking up to the window I stared out into the darkness; the snowy abyss with a glow seen beyond as if there’s something more out there. My reflection; staring back at me seemed to penetrate my very soul. I stepped backwards.

Sudden thumps at the door as the doctors try to get in, the handle frantically jitters. Faces were protruding through the venetian blinds. I zoned out only hearing the steady beat of my heart, the gentle push of my breath. The doctors smash through the window in the door. Here goes– With a spring in my stride I took a running leap towards the window. Slowly watching the shield of glass gain nearer and nearer as I jump with my arms in front of my face.

I glided through the air with the glass shards glistening in the night sky. Falling down and landing on a cushioned patch of snow. The window shredding my clothes as I landed, shreds up the trousers and blood all over my body. I look back, to see the doctor standing by the broken window looking out. Motionless. I pull myself up and start running toward the vibrant glow. The doctor watching patiently as the abyss consumed me.

My first memory is a vivid one, I dream of it often. So much so, that I am unsure whether it is real. I dream of the sharp icy touch of the wind howling upon me. Snow; stretching out as far as the eye can see, falling thick upon my shoulders weighing me down. My legs feeling heavier with each step; I struggled to lift my feet. The thick carpet of snow with its endless footprints was trailing behind me. Clothing torn and bloody. I feel a stabbing chill through the tears. The wind freezing the deep cuts down my back. The snow becomes a fog within the starry night sky. I can’t keep myself steady; I fall to my knees, struggling to stay strong. The night defeats me. I fall. Face submerged under the moon. I lay front first amongst the intense whiteness. I want to escape this nightmare as I lay; a blur upon the landscape. Then, total darkness.