excerpts from the Diary of a Paranoid Schizophrenic

By Lee Barr   a.k.a CygnusX1

Tuesday, Oct 11th. – The Tail

Today they made contact with me. I went to the book store. I was looking for a good book to pass the time. I was there for about 10 minutes just browsing the shelf. I noticed a guy, he was around 25. He was wearing a black t- shirt with jeans. He had a fake mohawk. I say fake because he had a normal short haircut, but used hair gel to slick it up into a mohawk style. I noticed he was looking at me from a few isles away. I went back to looking at the books. I saw movement off to my right and turned to look that way. There he was, approaching me. He held out two packs of cigarettes in the palm of one hand. They had an Indian head wearing a headress logo on them. He asked if I wanted to buy them. He told me he bought them at a cigar shop. I told him I didnt want them. He didnt approach anybody else and left the store. I thought it was peculiar. They are following me.

Thursday, Oct 13th. – The “Bugs”

It’s not the season for hummingbirds, but there it is again. It flys around this one tree, but the tree isn’t flowering. It only comes when I’m outside. I stood there, watching the sky and a bee came flying around me head. It didn’t make any sound. That’s odd, I thought to myself. I said outloud, “You stupid fools, bees make sound when they fly. Idiots.” The bee flew away. Later in the day when I went out again, the bee came back, this time it was buzzing as it flew around me. I laughed. They’d heard me. A few minutes went by and I stood in the front yard next to my car, when a dragonfly began to hover around in front of me. It was at eye level and kept flying in a somewhat circular pattern just a few feet away. I watched it for awhile and thought it strange. It also seemed to slow when it was closest to me. I think it was taking my picture. I got tired of posing for its pictures so I went inside the house and sat at the table next to the front window. The drapes were shut and the ony way to see inside the house was where there is a couple of inches between the curtain rod and the frame of window. As I sat there I saw that the dragonfly was hovering in that area, looking inside the house, it was watching me. I decided to go into the next room. I was testing it. Sure enough, it came around the house and began flying in slow circles at the window in that room. Again, watching me.

Saturday, Oct 15th. – The Paralysis

I was up late again last night. I was waiting. They didnt show up. I tried to film them, but they knew it. They’re afraid of being caught on film. They’re cowards. I woke up today. I couldn’t move. I could move my eyes, but my body wouldn’t budge. I was paralyzed. I tried very hard to move. I couldn’t. The window was open and the drapes were pulled halfway back. It was bright outside. This is it, I thought, they have me now. My body felt like it was 1000 pounds as I tried to move. It seemed to last a long time but I think it was only about a minute or two. I was terrified. They must be inside the house right now and I was about to catch them, so they paralyzed me to give them time to get out. They must have been bugging the other room. They can’t face me. They’re cowards.

Friday, November 13th. – Voices

I was having a dream. I was dreaming something that involved my friends James and Frank. I forget about what. It was at the moment when I was about to wake up for real and yet trying to stay asleep and in the dream. Then I heard a voice call out my name. It came from within my bedroom and was loud and clear. The voice was a womans voice. It didn’t come from my dream, because I heard it a few feet from me. I woke up instantly. There was nobody there but the lingering sound of that voice calling my name. It only said my name once. I live on the top floor and never hear anybody call out any names. They wont let me sleep.

Wednesday, November 25th- Inside My Head

I couldn’t think of a word today. I did think of it, yet it’s one of those words that you have to say slowly or you’ll mispronounce it every time. I was trying to say it in my head correctly, but I kept going to fast. Then a voice popped in there and slowly pronounced the word for me. It was a scary voice, not my voice, but, like a snake. It sounded female. I think it was them. They can hear my thoughts.

Monday, December 14th- The Drugs

My coffee doesn’t taste the same anymore. It also makes me feel like I’ve been snorting speed. It gives me a strange taste in my sinus cavity. I’ve been buying it from the same place for months now. It didn’t do this before. There is a new guy that just started working here. He always comes over to the coffee area when I come in. He must be putting something in my coffee. He’s one of them. I’ll watch him closer.

Saturday, December 19th- The Killing

I killed a man today. He was following me too closely. It’s his fault he wasn’t good at his job. He was careless. Screw him. He didn’t have the mohawk today. He was dressed like a bum, begging me for change in the alley. I’ve seen that disguise before, they can’t fool me. They don’t know who they’re messing with.

Sunday, December 20th- The Fear

I figured they’d come for me last night. I was expecting a nighttime raid when nobody could see what was happening. They didn’t come. Now they fear me.

Friday, January 8th- The Mohawk

I saw the man with the mohawk again as I was looking for a magazine to read at the library. He came and tried to make small talk. I just looked at him and said I had to leave. I think it’s my turn to follow him.